My Mom Called Me Out: Getting Real About Fearless Connection
“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother.” — Unknown
I had an interesting conversation with my mom last night.
A bit of background, first. Since I was a kid, I’ve known that I have spiritual abilities. The most prominent is intuitive empathy. I have an uncanny ability to “get” people and to feel them emotionally. I can remember one incident when I was about 5 or 6. My mom took my sister and I to McDonald’s for my birthday. (McDonald’s was a treat, y’all. My mom did not believe in eating fast food when I was growing up, and this was during the late 70’s when clean eating was not a thing. So, for her to make an allowance for McDonald’s was a big deal.)
There was a gentleman sitting near us minding his own business, but my attention was consistently drawn to him. And I felt this very heavy, almost suffocating sadness, so much so that I started to cry and couldn’t stop. When my mom asked what was wrong, I told her that the man was making me sad. She courageously got up and asked him to move to another seat. He must have thought she was crazy. But he obliged and moved to another table away from us in the restaurant.
As you can imagine, this ability was unnerving as a kid. I was often seen as being too emotional and too sensitive. Told that I wore my heart on my sleeve and I needed to toughen up. No one wanted to be around a person who couldn’t hold it together. And for the bulk of my life, I struggled with the push-and-pull between my gift and what the world told me was necessary to be a “normal” person.
This was also a challenge for me spiritually. I was raised Catholic, and part of my experience of being Catholic was that there wasn’t room for the supernatural in humans other than praying to God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Saints in a regimented way. Any kind of psychic, extra-sensory, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it abilities were shunned as of the Devil, and you were going to hell if you had them and exercised them. This experience moved with me as I shifted from Catholicism to evangelical Christianism as an adult.
As I got older, the conditioning from society and religion slowly started to melt away. I started getting interested in astrology (big sin), and getting tarot card readings (huge sin), and wondering about the gifts that I had (slippery-slope thinking). I also began questioning the “non-negotiables” of my faith — the views on homosexuality, women’s roles in the church, and the impossible standards of being a “good Christian”.
When the world shut down a couple of years ago due to Covid, my life slowed down. I had more flexible time that gave me space to switch out of autopilot mode in my life and into active engagement. Spirit took notice and said, “A-HA! You’re awake now!” CLICK! Messages, signs, and synchronicities started to flood into my life. I bear-hugged this new kind of connection and my gifts grew and expanded. And those questions about Christianity’s non-negotiables turned into reasons why Christianity no longer worked for me. I also followed the calling from Spirit to use my gifts to help others, and began doing oracle card readings, reading astrological birth charts, providing spiritually intuitive wellness guidance and doing energy healing. I recently turned all of this into a small business named Cheerful Archer Spirituality and Wellness.
Flash forward to the conversation with my mom.
We went to one of our favorite diners (we’re from Jersey. Diners are a thing.) for dinner, and after we sat down, she looked at me and said, “So. Let’s get the elephant out of the room.” I looked at her with a puzzled expression, and she went on to say that she knew that I had started a new thing, she saw my social media posts about it, but I hadn’t said anything to her about it, and she was a little disturbed by that.
I was afraid to tell my mom about Cheerful Archer because I was afraid of her reaction. She’s a Christian, and I knew that what I was doing went against Christian beliefs. My childhood conditioning kicked in, and I feared being judged by her. So, instead of just directly coming out and talking to her about my spiritual shift, I took the cowardly way out and let her find out indirectly. I’m cringing as I write this…
ME: “…I was afraid of what you would say. I know this doesn’t fall in line with what you believe.”
MOM: (incredulous look that was totally justified) “What did you think I would do? I love you. You’re my child. Regardless of what I believe, this is a part of your life, and I would never turn you away.”
ME: “You’re right. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”
She then asked me to tell her about it. So, I shared about my spiritual gifts and why I decided to do Cheerful Archer. She then asked me, “Do you still consider yourself a Christian?”
Welp…since we were on the being-completely-honest tip, there was no way around that one.
ME: “Uh…well…no. Not anymore. There are too many things that don’t line up with what I believe. However, I do still believe in Jesus. But not in the traditional way.”
MOM: “What do you mean by that?”
ME: “Jesus was all about love. He loved everyone, especially marginalized people and women. He cared deeply about them. And he was fearless about it. So, I call myself a Christ-Follower because I connect with Jesus for those reasons — the way some people call themselves Buddhists because they connect with Buddha and his teachings. I just happen to resonate with Jesus Christ outside of Christianity. He’s my dude.”
I also went on to talk about how I don’t like the way traditional Christianity tries to separate people from Jesus and God because of man-made judgments. How I feel those judgments are toxic because people on the receiving end of them often walk away from connection to Jesus and God, thus harming a sacred relationship that has nothing to do with the human people claiming to have the right answers. Jesus and God love everyone unconditionally and would never turn ANYONE away. And she got it. My mom may not have agreed 100% with everything I believed, but she understood why believed what I did and even agreed with me in some cases.
Coincidentally, I’ve been doing a video series through Cheerful Archer devoted to Aries season with themes around action, leadership, and fearlessness. And I’ve learned a lesson about being mindful of what I’m trying to share with the world because Spirit will do their best to keep me honest.
While I have been preaching to others about being fearless, Spirit held up a mirror for me: “Uh, so what’s so fearless about hiding from your mom? Time to put your big girl pants on. Open up.” Allowing fear to cloud my judgment created separation between me and my mom.
So, to keep me honest and strengthen our connection, they opened the door to a brave conversation that brought me and my mom even closer. And I experienced the love of Jesus through her actions. I believe that Jesus would say the same things to reassure me (or anyone) that she did, “I love you. You’re my child. Regardless of what I believe, this is a part of your life, and I would never turn you away.” And I think that even if my mom doesn’t completely understand or agree with my version of spirituality, she would still courageously get up and ask someone to move to another seat if they tried to make me upset because of what I believe and how I express it.
My mom is dope. And so is Jesus.